To Pray Without Ceasing

Like almost any typical Catholic, I wouldn’t consider myself well-versed in the Word. It’s a weakness, I’ll admit, and almost ignorant to not look and reflect upon the one concrete thing that God has given us.

Sooooooo I joined a Bible Study! It’s called the Meeting Point, an idea of a friend of mine who is slowly making the transition from the Methodist Church to the Catholic faith. I’ll admit—at first I was skeptical. Why? Well, I was uncomfortable. We’re exploring St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians, a book I’ve never read. Still, I went to support my friend and to see what it was all about.

It was a beautiful experience. There were twelve of us breaking open the Word. Four Catholics, two fence-sitters, and six Methodists, and the amazing Holy Spirit. To hear others’ experience of the Word and how they apply it to daily life was so uplifting. Even realizing how merciful God is ALWAYS was refreshing and beyond humbling.

All in all, great decision. I can’t wait til next Monday!

Oh, and for all those interested in an Alejandro update… we broke it off after I finally realized that I couldn’t be true to myself if I pretended to be okay with his lack of belief. So yes, I’m alone again, but who am I kidding? I’m used to it.

With God before, behind, and all around me, what do I have to fear?

In Christ,

Liv

Make lemonade? Paint that shit gold? Who even knows anymore.

Summer has barely started, and I’m keeping my promises thus far. Working out every day, praying or attending daily Mass (sometimes both, if my alarm clock wills it), fostering new relationships with my new co-workers, attending free concerts and movie premiers thanks to my friend who works at a radio station…

So where’s the lemon?

Have you ever watched a movie, and realized that it hits a lot closer to home than you thought was possible? Thanks to (500) Days of Summer, I’ve met a character that shares my mentality when it comes to love. Don’t get me wrong, just like any twenty-year-old girl that grew up watching Disney movies, I’m waiting for the right tall, dark, and handsome man to come sweeping into my life… the valiant steed is optional.

Until then, I’ve got Alejandro (and no, that’s not his real name, I just love that Lady Gaga song). This guy’s got the heart of a champion, and wants to fall in love. He’s patient, loyal, and a good six inches taller than me (which is a superfluous plus in my book). Me? I’m starting to see the signs that he’s all wrong for me. Yeah, he’s not Catholic. That’s our first red flag. The second? He’s kind of paranoid… and that’s not for lack of a better word, that’s just the way he is… Which reminds me of my father. That’s a whole other iceberg I’ll have to deal with.

Here’s the best part… I have yet to develop the bitch in me. I can’t say “Thanks, but no thanks, Alejandro… you’re just not the guy for me.” I think it’s all of those years of platonic friendships with men that have caused me to want to hold on to this one. He’s obviously interested, and I’m attracted to him, so where’s the wrong in that?

Oh right, I only date for marriage, and I’m marrying (if God wills it) a Catholic.

Why is it that I can write all of this down, but can’t say it to his face? I’m not out to break hearts here…

When I prayed about it, every option made me cry. I cried in that chapel for almost an hour… I ask and beg and plead for answers, but when they come, I’m mortified to hear what He has to say, what He has planned. Why do I harbor this fear for His plan for me? I know my God is not malicious, jealous, hateful… so why should I fear His plans for my life? As I sat in that chapel, I didn’t want to leave. I felt trapped by Alejandro… scared to face him. I couldn’t look Jesus in the face either, scared to hear how He wanted my life for Him and His plan. Under all of this, the guy I really want… it became clear that he might never be mine.

And what then?

When life gives you lemons… paint that shit gold.

In Christ,

Liv

Well, it’s official. Summertime is here. I have lots of plans for myself this summer, which include working two jobs, kicking my own butt into shape, and becoming closer to God. I think all of these will require a little breaking down on my part… physically, emotionally, spiritually… but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Honestly, I think I need it.

It’s been a while since I’ve really focused on what I want rather than what others want of me, or expect of me. It’s frightening, though… Opening up my heart and mind to infinite possibilities… I don’t know why I fear God’s plan for me. Truly I know His goodness and compassion are all I need to live, yet I can’t completely let go and trust.

If you’re following my blog, forgive my naivety. I’m very new to the blogging world, but I appreciate the time you took to read my thoughts. There’s more to come. Please pray for me.

In Christ,

Liv